It was the night of Blue Full Moon when I howled from my heart, from my soul. January the 1st 2018 the super moon shone brightly above the roof of the three story victorian house in Battersea where I lived with my Husband. I had burned sage and cleansed my crystals for the first time. The sage was potent yet gentle as I cleansed my body, quietly praying.
I held raw rose quartz to my heart chakra and asked the wolf moon to heal my broken heart. Our baby that never lived whose name was Luna looked down on us. Clutching eachother’s hands we stared at the Supermoon in gratitude. Gratitude for each other and gratitude for Luna.
That night I cried so hard, from the heart. My heart was open and was releasing hurt. I had visions of past hurt and cried through each. Like watching a film, I watched myself through the ages. I had no idea I holding onto so much hurt. I saw myself at 22, a lost soul who had been blamed – I finally acknowledged it was not my fault and released my 22 year old self.
I woke from a shamanic dream the next night. A Native American with a stick threw water on my reproductive area below the navel. In the dream I felt the water touching my skin and burn. The wall next to where I lay in the dream a shadow of a cat being electrocuted appeared with a distinctive hissing sound. I awoke immediately after this with the pain still in the area. i woke up my husband and explained my dream in a panic, boiling hot and sweaty. But i drifted back into peaceful sleep.
I believe the shaman healed my womb with his water in the dream because afterward I had no pain in this area from the ERCP I’d had only 6 days before.
It was from this moment that I knew. My life purpose was calling.